


it's not like it was before

by cant_takethekid



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, and i don't know why louis is so mean, liam is no where to be found, technically zayn is cheating, zayn niall and harry smoke weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2188830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cant_takethekid/pseuds/cant_takethekid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>niall pecks at zayn’s lips once more and then slurs, “harry, are you just going to stand there?”</p><p>“um,” harry says. yes, actually, he had full intentions of just standing there.</p><p>“are you just going to stand there and watch?” niall repeats, “because you could just take a picture or something.”</p><p>harry says “or…something?” at the same time zayn says, “that’s not how the phrase goes.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's not like it was before

he’d seen them. niall and zayn, harry had seen them sneak away, up a flight of stairs to who knows where.

they’d been doing this a lot, leaving the other three boys to do whatever it was they were doing on their own. it didn’t matter much when they were on tour, they were living in each other’s pockets. it made sense for them to want to get away. but this time, they had planned to come to this party. they were going to end what seemed like a minute long break with a bang, and alcohol. lots of alcohol.

harry takes a glance around the crowd of sweaty bodies. louis is dancing carelessly in the middle of the floor, drink in one hand and his infamous pointer finger extended proudly on the other. all eyes are on him like always. liam is nearby a couch, leaning over some pretty girl with long brown hair and a short, short dress.

they won’t notice if he sneaks away like niall and zayn had.

harry picks the first solid looking surface he sees and sets his drink down. he follows their invisible path up the stairs; the house is bigger than he realized when he started his hunt. he ends up walking in on a few people kissing, tops already off, skirts hiked up and hair mused. he pulls those doors closed as quickly as he opened them and whispers a quick sorry even though there is no way they can hear him through the door and over the blasting music, they’re probably too busy to notice him anyways.

he picks another door, fully expecting to find another random couple he’ll have to quietly apologize to. this time, when he pulls the door open, he sees niall and zayn.

he steps into the room and he closes the door behind him. (he tells himself it’s because he’s drunk, but if he’s honest he’s not really _that_ drunk)

he’s just standing there, wide eyes, because while he was looking for zayn and niall, he wasn’t expecting to find them like this, he didn’t think he’s see them connected at the mouth and hands and hips, barely even two separate people anymore.

niall catches harry standing in the doorway out of the corner of his eye, a terrified look on his face. the expression drops when he realizes that oh, it’s just harry, not anyone he needs to be worried about.

niall pecks at zayn’s lips once more and then slurs, “harry, are you just going to stand there?”

“um,” harry says. yes, actually, he had full intentions of just standing there.

“are you just going to stand there and watch?” niall repeats, “because you could just take a picture or something.”

harry says “or…something?” at the same time zayn says, “that’s not how the phrase goes.”

“yeah, like you could come and join us or take that fucking picture and let us be.”

join them is exactly what harry does. he doesn’t let himself think as he takes the few steps it takes to get to the bed. he kisses zayn first just in case niall was kidding, in case he thought he was giving harry an offer he wouldn’t ever take up.

when he wakes up the next morning, zayn is nowhere to be found, and niall is snoring away quietly next to him. the tour starts tomorrow and he’s probably late for something, so he climbs out of bed and gets dressed, careful not to wake niall. he’ll call and wake him up as soon as he’s out of the house.

he’s not going to mention it, he decides. last night meant nothing to him and obviously niall and zayn feel the same way.

-

they are ahead of schedule, it hadn’t really happened before with traffic and the increasing number of fans they have to dodge and their uncanny ability to get distracted right when it’s time for them to leave the venues.

louis took this opportunity to kick around a football and liam is probably taking a power nap somewhere and harry, well harry is having a crisis.

it’s been weeks and absolutely nothing has changed between the three of them and he feels like something _should_ have. it’s gotten to the point that he isn’t even sure they remember he was involved in what had happened, they were pretty drunk, and now he’s not sure if he wants them to remember.

they’ve disappeared again, just like all the other times before, and harry goes to find them just like the last time.

he finds a door marked “roof access” propped open by a single supra sneaker. niall and zayn are sitting with their chins resting on the safety railing and their feed dangling over the edge of the roof.

they’re passing a quickly rolled joint between the two of them, and harry briefly wonders why he never finds the both of them alone and sober.

he squeezes himself between the two of them and waits for niall to pass. when he holds in the smoke for too long he coughs a little bit, zayn laughs at him and takes the joint so harry can cover his mouth.

“so,” he coughs again. “do you guys usually just smoke when you sneak off or is fucking sort of a regular thing?”

they don’t even answer him, they just throw their heads back and laugh with eyes squeezed shit and mouths open wide.

"sometimes we just make out if there’s not enough time,” niall replies. he legs his head fall onto harry’s shoulder, body still shaking with laughter.

harry can feel his cheeks coloring red with envy. everyone thinks he and louis are together but they _aren’t_ , he’s got eleanor and now niall and zayn have each other and he’s getting sick and tired of jerking off to hazy memories of his night with zayn and niall when they get to make more.

he’s doing an awful job of hiding his emotions on his face, he knows, because niall leans in close to his ear so he can feel his lips when he asks, “are you jealous, mate?” and zayn, playing along, he says, “are you horny, harry?” and he draws it out, says it slowly like he needs to make sure harry can properly hear him.

zayn takes another hit as niall says, “i hope so, because we’ve got two hours before anyone comes looking for us and i bet zayn will help me blow you right here on this rooftop if you want.”

-

it’s february thirteenth and harry is painfully aware of the fact that tomorrow is valentine’s day. every interview has been full of so have you got someone specials? the fans started giving each of them valentine hearts and chocolates weeks ago and every store front is decorated in shades of pink in red.

he’d snuck to a drugstore in some town he has no idea the name of with a beanie pulled snug over his ears and sunglasses on even though he looks like an asshole for keeping them on indoors. one direction gets more recognizable by the day, it’ better safe than sorry.

he picks up one of those packages full of foil valentines and the little heart stickers to close them because they would be enough for all the boys and their managers and maybe even some of the crew, he’s walking toward the checkout, but he feels like ne needs something more for niall and zayn. he knows they’re not boyfriends or anything like that, but since he’s started sneaking away with them, he’s developed an ever deepening bond with them. louis and liam are his brothers, but niall and zayn are something different. something more.

he turns on his heel and heads back to the valentine’s aisle. flowers are too girly, chocolates are too cliché, and it’s not like he’s going to head to the nearest jewelers and buy the diamond fucking rings.

he settles on two little teddy bears clutching plush hearts with the words “i love you” written in curly letters. they’re identical, save for the fact that one is wearing a teal shirt and the other is wearing red.

he pays for them and leaves the store before he has a chance to change his mind.

later, he sets the bears on their bunks, niall gets the teal and zayn gets the red.

harry’s in his bunk with the curtain closed, trying to relax his nerves when niall finds his bear. he pulls harry’s curtain back without asking, but he never does, so harry stopped bothering to get angry about it.

“look at this cute little bear!” he shoves it into harry’s face as he says, “must be from a fan!” niall is pulling out his phone, presumably to take a picture and tweet about it. “did you get one too, haz?”

harry just shakes his head no. getting those bears was probably a dumb idea anyways, he’s never gotten the boys gifts because they can afford whatever they want or need. he’ll let them believe they’re from some fan.

“hate to tell you harry, but i got one ‘cause i’m the favorite.”

“niall,” zayn climbs out of his own bunk, red shirt bear tucked into his elbow. “i got one too, the bears are from harry.”

“from harry? why didn’t you say something?” niall asks, smile dropped from his face. “i’m going to cherish this thing now.” niall nearly climbs into the bunk along with harry in order to leave a wet kiss onto his forehead. zayn bumps niall over with his hip and plants a kiss directly on to harry’s lips.

the next time they’re on stage and for every performance after that, harry notices the little teal shirted bear sitting on top of the amp next to niall’s guitar stand.

-

harry and niall are attempting to fit themselves into zayn’s bunk because they’ve gotten a new bus for this tour and it’s so much more spacious than the old ones. even though the bunks are bigger, they still aren’t big enough to the three of them. they’re laughing and stealing kisses and groping at each other and at some point they must have knocked the curtain open because one minute they’re in the clear, they’ve still got their secret, and then next everything is shattered by louis, who is standing outside of the bunk with a shocked look on his face.

“we’re just messing around in here, man” zayn says. “nothing’s going on.”

harry knows louis can tell he’s lying through his teeth. he’s still got one of his hands halfway down niall’s pants. yeah, absolutely nothing is going on, right.

“oh, okay,” louis snaps. “right, it’s normal to make out with you bandmates on the bus, isn’t it?”

they can do whatever they want, and still, they’re feeling as if they’re in trouble.

it’s a good thing louis doesn’t know the worst of it.

louis is still standing there, looking down at them and something in harry snaps.

“you could come and join us, or you could take a picture. it’ll last longer.” it’s not an invitation like it was from niall, and it’s still not how the phrase goes and it’s probably the most childish thing he could have said but it was the only thing he could think of to say that would make louis go away so they can go back to their tiny world inside of zayn’s bunk.

“just don’t get caught by anyone that’s not me. you’ll fuck up everything for all of us.” louis says, harry knows he’s not going to tell anyone, probably not even liam, and even though harry’s still mad, he hopes he didn’t just ruin his relationship with louis.

they don’t feel like talking or touching much after that, so they button up their jeans and retire to their own bunks for the night.

they had already figured out that three people can’t fit comfortably in one bunk anyways.

-

it’s that night when harry decides he’s never going to tell them he’s in love with them, not ever.

that little fact is going to stay his little secret.

this thing, this relationship, this bout of fucking or whatever you want to call it is happening because it’s convenient, and he knows that. he knows it’s happening because they spend most of the year together. they’re living in each other’s pockets. it would probably be weirder if nothing happened between the two of them.

but is the problem.

he does love with. he’s in love with the both of them and they don't love him the same way back. zayn and perrie are fucking engaged, and niall still goes on dates with models. 

so they’ll continue on with their routine and keep stealing kisses and shoving their hands down each other’s pants as soon as no one’s looking and harry won’t complain, not once.

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as five times fic, but obviously that didn't work out lol  
> also i wrote this kind of quickly and no one's betaed, so sorry if there's any mistakes i didn't catch
> 
> The title is taken from the Circa Survive song "Act Appalled"


End file.
